When I fell asleep about 11pm Saturday, I slept until 12:30pm Monday afternoon. Monday I was still in a lot of pain, and still very exhausted. I fell asleep Monday night about 10pm, and woke up at 3am due to pain. My left leg, back, and neck have been in a lot of pain since my day out on Saturday.
Having sciatic problems affects my left leg all the time. Most of the time, it’s usually just a dull aching pain, with mild numbing. With a day out like I had affects the sciatic nerve to be more intense. After a day like that, the pain in my left leg starts at the left buttock, with a pain that feels like I am sitting on an icepick, then down the back of my thigh and along the outside of my thigh I have a line a pain that reaches all the way down to my toes. Right where my toes extend from my foot is where I really feel the pain. Along with all the pain, I tend to have throbbing pain throughout the leg, along with even harsher numbing to where if I scratch my left foot with my right toe nails, I do not even feel my left foot at all. Right now, as I am laying here, the back of my thigh has a pain as if someone is trying to pierce my leg.
I know this is about chronic pain, but this is the extreme of my chronic pain. This is how I feel with what I could call minimal activities from my past before my accident. Because of this pain I am going through now, I have vowed to not leave my house for a long, long time again. I know after about 4-6 months I am going to want to just get out of the house again, and I most likely will put myself through this again. This is all due to my own fault of wanting to get out.
There are the times I have to go for a trip to Denver, Colorado from where I live here in Tennessee, because that is where my workers compensation is out of. It’s usually a flight out of Nashville to Denver. My last trip there I used a wheelchair into and out of the airports. I thought it would help a lot on the pain. I was totally wrong. I even stayed the night in Denver, to help without having to go into and out of Denver in one day. I was in a lot of pain when I arrived to Denver and when I left. Although right now, from my day out the other day, a trip like this for me to Denver is twice as bad on me. I tend to be out of it pain wise for 5-6 days before I feel decent. I sleep a lot because the pain just wipes me out, and the pain wipes me out emotionally.
When I hurt so bad like I am now, or when I have to go to Denver, I feel like I need to be in a mental hospital because I feel so low, so much it’s the time I usually feel like life is not worth living. I feel like that until the pain becomes more manageable. It is just it so hard to deal with pain when it gets so high.
I have now been dealing with Chronic Intractable pain for 2 years 4 months and a few weeks. I believe I am handling it a lot better than I have been since the beginning. I used to be very depressed about the pain all the time, even when the pain was low, so now it is only when I am at Level 10 pain or higher. LOL. Anyway, I know in time, when the pain gets so high like now, this depression will go away more, because I am just learning to deal with it all better.
For anyone who has just become disabled and knowing you’re going to be like this the rest of your life, is going to be like mourning your past. You are going to have to let go of the past active self; the past un-pained self. The past whole life changed self. That is where I am still. Letting go slowly and mourning each piece of it as it comes.